She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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