okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
