just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
