totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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