You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dear god my vagina.
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