so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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