i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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