Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
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