I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
