For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
