I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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