how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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