Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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