The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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