sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
