she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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