I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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