I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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