Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You pole danced in your parka.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
