so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
