She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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