I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
