This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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