I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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