I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
