did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
