they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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