I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
