Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
