Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think weed is turning my hair brown
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
