whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
