if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize