On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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