How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
