yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
