i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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