i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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