Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
