I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
