My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
