kristin has been a bad kristin
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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