I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
