He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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