SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
