Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
