I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
