she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
