Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize