I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
