I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
