He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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