yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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