sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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