Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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