haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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