I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize