Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
