Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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