...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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