it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
