I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
are you so shy because you have an std?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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