somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize