i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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