you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
