I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
