I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
