at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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