my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
