No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Is it because I queefed?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
