My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
