Pappa wants mamma naked
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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