I cannot find my penis.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
