Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
