just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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