It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
