you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i think my cat just said my name.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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