Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
