Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
