The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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