hell yes lets make some ravioli
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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