Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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