this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize