I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
