I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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