how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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