genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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