I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
