Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This is the high leading the old right now
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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