He passed out mid-signature
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
