why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
