i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
