I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
